Spirited Intelligent Emotions

Many years ago, I had the privilege of facilitating a special workshop focused on changing the corporate culture within a large Canadian national corporation. I had been a member of the Information Technology management team at Head Office for many years, witnessing many labor disruptions before this initiative became reality. Since that time, there been no labor disputes. A major component of this culture change was removing the “us vs. them” mentality. This called forth basic human values, the diversity we each embody and the trust, respect, and problem solving that made teams so effective.

After having experienced such a powerful shift, impacting others lives and careers, my management position tasted stale. My thirst for making a difference and impacting lives became an unquenchable thirst. I continued facilitating workshops within the organization and as it wrapped up, with more head office downsizing on the horizon, I took a leave of absence and arrived in Vancouver. I was unprepared, totally unprepared.

I had done little to research the job-market, little to understand the business community, or establish key connections that might assist my transition. I moved in with family who I hadn’t seen since leaving home 13 years earlier. The stress of those first years was unbearably difficult. Family dynamics saw a 30-something become a 17 year old again. Trying to understand and clean up the emotional debris within the family became a focal point. There’s no need to point out that it wasn’t my responsibility, it’s amazing what we buy into as the first born surviving child. Dealing with the emotional fallout from the suicide of a sister, nearly a decade earlier, I became a go-between for divorced parents. I discovered hatred, bitterness, victimization, bankruptcy, and overall emotional devastation for both parents. Their negative experiences began to affect my outlook, my confidence and esteem, and my health.

It was also during this time that I tried finding work related to the training and facilitating that I had conducted back in Ottawa. It was then that someone mentioned the term Emotional Intelligence. I did find a not-so-busy private college that was teaching the material and of course, their interest in me was to become a student. Everything about the conversations confused what I understood Emotional Intelligence to be. In much the same way, IQ tests are being challenged today for their relevancy given the different expectations of careers, people and diversity. There was also the fact that the emphasis was on creating exclusive criteria before people could be considered emotionally intelligent. There was no barometer to identify the emotional downfall that occurs during tragic times of life. It is during these times that inclusiveness is needed, that’s what heals the traumatized person.

In preparation for a talk on emotional intelligence, I've spent portions of my time reading relevant material. It's been interesting to say the least. When I studied Sociology, I was dumbfounded by the study of what is wrong with us in society and then, little is done about what is wrong. There are many new pills and therapies hitting the market place treating the disorder without really getting to the roots of the problems. As I read more about Emotional Intelligence, I found more of the same. The books made suggestions that could counter childhood experiences and improve emotional development and yet little is done. As well, there is a brief encounter with the concept of spirituality in the field of emotional intelligence; as with most things that cannot be measured and verified clinically or scientifically, little else is done with it to help pull the pieces together.

Granted, these ideas I represent are my own drawn from many sources. My perspective is one of studied observation of people, events in my own life, and much reading and reflection. As with most things, questions in our own minds are likely similar or the same as questions in another's mind; often, when a question is upon one's lips, a few others in the same room will be glad that question is asked. I see the same thing with spirituality, and yet, we can only experience first-hand that which cannot be seen. It is in the experience that reality is experienced and influenced by the perspective we hold to be true. This is a difficult statement for many to hear.

In a real sense, our two realities can be so vastly different simply by the way we choose to look at things. Knowing this, during periods of depression, or intense questioning and doubt, we wonder what has happened to us. Having seen and experienced a brighter past, the attitude and joy that was experienced, I wonder how I might get that back? Is it just emotional intelligence? Or is there more; spiritual intelligence? Emotional Intelligence topics and books also mention spirituality. Another mention is made of the different levels of awareness related to consciousness.

This is where the experiencer and observer distinction is made. Observations of how we are relating to each other, of how we are raised and raise our young, and of how we become emotionally hijacked and are often unaware of sabotaging emotions. The inter-connectedness of the mind-body-emotions is intricately linked. This is where I see something missing (... here is the rest of the article.)