It was a glorious day in central Alberta with the sun shining the fullness of its' brilliance. Every detail in the landscape radiated its' luminescence according to the experience of this eight year-old boy. Filled with joy, basking in the glory, I stood transfixed as my eyes scanned the full 270° view, stopping to pause from time-to-time when the brilliance overwhelmed the spirit's ability to see fully. It was then, on that particular day that I met another young boy. I don't remember his name, the encounter having lasted less than 10 minutes; a period of time more profound than so many others!
He is a lonely boy, one who was ostracized, criticized, teased, and bullied. I could understand, I could relate, and yet he was so different. It would only be realized in later years that this boy was a Down Syndrome child, while the eight year-old boy only recognized the word retarded, a term no longer considerate, respectful, nor politically correct.
The retard started talking to me and I couldn't completely understand. I want to run, to get away, to escape this retarded kid; I didn't want any of the other neighborhood kids to see me with him. He was right in my face now.
"What's your name?"
"Lee."
I felt all squirmy and couldn't think of anything to say. I am fascinated by his face, his eyes, and the gentle way that he smiles. There is something different about him than most other people I meet. He is real, genuine, and honest in a way that is making me feel warm inside. I recognize him, I recognize me, I recognize love. This is what I came here to experience and to give. This is what I wish for everyone all the time. And yet, the back of my mind begins imagining the bullying that will follow from the neighborhood kids if they see me. I'm a beaten child, at home and away. Why aren't we all like this? What are all the games for?
"Will you be my friend?" he asks.
I don't want to say yes, as my imaginings stir up the fear. My heart, young and still honest and strong, splits open to make room. I say yes, following my heart, and he leaps into me, wrapping me up in his arms. With a sudden lump in my throat I quickly peek left and right to see if anyone is watching and hug him back. Nervous and brave all at the same time, I feel the fear and the rightness of action. It's puzzling me, there is so much I don't understand about everything. My own parents beat me.
Backing up, his hands on my shoulders, he smiles into my eyes with the authenticity of his very being. He is beautiful and I feel cowardly. I feel scolded. I feel small. I don't know what is happening to me. I've just encountered paradox. My emotions tell me one thing, then my head fears worse, and suddenly I remember:
- parents beat their children
- parents lie
- parents say mean, hurtful things
- teachers play favorites
- adults play tricks on innocent kids
- some adults do unspeakable things
- adults fight and rarely make up
- adults don't like to apologize
- adults are afraid to love
- children band together in groups
- children can be mean
- a friend can quickly become an enemy - for no good reason
- so many of us are selfish
- there are so many conditions for love
At eight years old I've experienced all of this and this encounter of contradiction and Truth has me all confused.
That was then, this is now. Recalling that memory often throughout life, as I experience the gain and loss of love, success, finances, health, friendship, etc., this encounter spoke to a higher truth and possibility, for those who would see. I claim no greater, nor no less success with this struggle than the next man. I am also easily led and influenced by the energies that are around me every day. To what degree varies as does my overall well-being, as with any of us.
Recognition and awareness creates opportunities to not become trapped by false beliefs, while the turmoil of emotions and mind creates hurdles and pitfalls that allow the fullest experience of being human. Embracing and working with both aspects of self, and so much more in an intangible sense, is what spirituality entails for me. This openness to experience with awareness leads to an evolving sense of what the truth is for my experience of life. Each day leads to opportunities for growth and adjustment. Remembering, I know what it is: It is Love, as I am Love, and I am with Love.
This leaves me with two requests:
- Please stop being afraid of my love?
- Please empower me to love fully.
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