Flawed Judgement

Don't be so quick to judge! There is always a lot more going on than is discernable by the naked eye, let alone the faulty mind. Yes! The mind is faulty used on its own, left to its own devices. Too often we trust that which has caused so much trouble, trusting the knowledge of what is learned throughout our lives, whether experience gambled, lessons taught at school, or punishment avoided at home.

This trap we create causes more pain and suffering as the analytical seperates the heart issue that truly inspires the greater good and opportunity for future creation. The power of solution, meaningful application of the heart's desire to bring peace and truly serve in love, is lost in the analytical mind, particularly in its seat of judgement over the short-comings of others.

Where then, is the compassion for the painful souls wallowing in the sea of ignorance and despair? With a shift of perspective, you can see so much more than the minds analytical eye when you seek to see with the heart of spirit.

Spirituality Good for the soul

I've spoken before about Spirit and Soul as two distinct parts of the self. It's here in a blog-entry: Challenging Thoughts About Spirituality.

"So what?" you ask.

"Hehehehe," comes my reply with a mischevious grin. "Take a look at what I read this morning."

From Psychology Today:

Care of the Soul
by Thomas Moore

In the modern world we tend to separate psychology from religion. We like to think that emotional problems have to do with the family, childhood, and trauma -- with personal life but not with spirituality. We don't diagnose an emotional seizure as "loss of religious sensibility" or "lack of spiritual awareness." Yet the soul -- the seat of our deepest emotions -- can benefit greatly from the gifts of a vivid spiritual life, and can suffer when it is deprived of them.

The soul, for example, needs an articulated world-view, a carefully worked-out scheme of values and a sense of relatedness to the whole. It needs a myth of immortality and an attitude toward death. It also thrives on spirituality that is not so transcendent-such as the spirit of family, arising from traditions and values that have been part of the family for generations.

Spirituality doesn't arrive fully formed without effort. Religions around the world demonstrate that spiritual fife requires constant attention and a subtle, often beautiful technology by which spiritual principles and understandings are kept alive. For good reason we go to church, temple, or mosque regularly and at appointed times: it's easy for consciousness to become lodged in the material world and to forget the spiritual.

Just as the mind digests ideas and produces intelligence, the soul feeds on life and digests it, creating wisdom and character out of experience. Renaissance Neoplatonists said that the outer world serves as a means of deep spirituality and that the transformation of ordinary experience into the stuff of soul is all-important. If the link between life experience and deep imagination is inadequate, then we are left with a division between life and soul, and such a division will always manifest itself in symptoms.

"Psychological Modernism"

Professional psychology has created a catalog of disorders, known as the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual, or DSM, which is used by doctors and insurance companies to help diagnose and standardize problems of emotional life and behavior with precision. For example, in the current edition, there is a category called "adjustment disorders." The problem is that adjusting to life, while perhaps sane to all outward appearances, may sometimes be detrimental to the soul.

One day I would like to make up my own DSM, in which I would include the diagnosis "psychological modernism," an uncritical acceptance of the values of the modern world. It includes

Read the rest at Psychology Today

Leadership Shift

A recent dream spoke to me about leadership. In this dream, I was a member of a good-natured team of life-loving characters. Isn't this typical of most of us in life and how we want to experience our lives? I believe it is. With performance being such an issue to sustain a business and create profit-margins, a great deal of stress is experienced at the supervisory level when performance falls below the line. In efforts to motivate, some supervisors will try a variety of tactics in order to ellicit the support they need from the team to keep up the pace. Are tactics really the answer though?

Leaders, like members of the team, also want to feel connected; a part of the team or community. It's a lonely place as leader. If a supervisor is between upper-management and the workforce, they're in a vulnerable and isolated place if upper-management is less than supportive. It has happened where they are raked over the coals and held accountable for a teams lack of performance. Some managers in my past have been the buffer zone protecting the team from the flak from above. Other managers aren't so kind or more accurately put, as capable. They react out of fear and desperation. They need help.

As a leader, the best you can do is to mentor the staff. Create the team and the incentives. Don't bribe though as this will dig you into a deeper hole. Where there are problem areas, get involved in conversation. Talk to the individual(s) in private, seeking their input, their issues, and ask their advice for how things can be improved. Watch them respond when you create a safe environment for their feedback and solutions to issues that are holding the team back. If you don't have the answers, ask them for the answers.

This reminds me of an engineer I know. Engineers, smart and creative by nature and study, sometimes think they have all the answers and design solutions on paper feeling certain that they've thought of everything. This particular engineer, as a young man, made it a point to venture out onto the shop floor to speak with the skilled labour involved with the practical hands-on. Sharing his ideas with them, seeking their input and suggestions, his solutions proved far more effective, sound, and delivered higher quality than when done independent of any feedback.

It's the same in most workshop situations. Facilitators are the leaders of a workshop. They are the experts; but are they really? As the expert in imparting a particular topic, they will present material and lead the group in education around a theme. Given the diversity, creativity, and intelligence of the group, the Facilitator will encounter excellent questions that they are unable to answer. A Facilitator doesn't seek to answer all the questions though. They turn the quesiton back to the group and ellicit discussion and ideas from the participants.

What powerful synergy is created. What belonging is experienced. Inclusiveness creates greater participation and ownership of outcomes. Give it a try.

Story of One Man Can

Asked by another to share my story about my company name, here it is:

I have been wrestling with much over the course of the past two years and the journey continues even now, hence my sporadic activity. You asked how I chose the name and this is part of that story.

Many years ago, as I journalled daily, I often wrote about the power we each have to impact our world, lives and relationships. After moving from one end of the country to another, still on-fire and believing in the truth of what I wrote, I endeavoured to find "my unique place" that met this value daily. Unfortunate events and my reactions in pain, misunderstanding my personal power, my spiritual nature, and many other family/life relationships, I succumbed to a place of weakness and disease. Essentially, this became a turning point in my spiritual growth.

Over the course of the next 7-8 years I survived:

• an illness that witnessed the loss of 50lbs in 2 weeks;
• the loss of personal identity connected with family and then the redefinition of the same within the new perspective of my family;
• a time period within a restrictive religious group that hindered and harmed more than it helped and healed;
• career chaos leaving many unmet goals unfulfilled;
• a marriage that ended as quickly as it started but no less painfully as I continue to love deeply;
• and the redefinition of who I AM and who I AM here to BE.

All of the pain and suffering, all of the relationship, career, life, and spiritual experiences brought me once again full-circle to the foundation of my belief; one man (one person) can make a difference.

In this journey, I witnessed from a first-person experience and from the relationships with others, much of the strife and illness that exists within our society today. There has been such enormous shifts in our values and community connections. Our workplaces have become more toxic and family life is breaking down. Spiritual life and connection is virtually non-existent even in those who participate in religion. The truth of who we are seems lost as the Western society has corrupted itself in the church of materialism and status.

Over the last year, I have stepped more courageously forward as a Professional Coach. In doing so, I also received the support of some amazing spiritual teachers. They taught me about my energy, my sensitivity to energy (that had been my downfall during that 8 year period), how to process, stay connected to source, grounding, etc. In the process, my writing has reawakened, and I have discovered my role as a spiritual teacher. We are powerful beings. We are lost. We must reclaim what is rightfully ours and our place in the universe. And still I say, "One Man Can make a difference" as my inspiration to continue to transform, not only my life, the lives of the others.

I'm not very familiar with Reiki, although one day soon I do plan on investigating it more closely. My initial concerns of sustainability are keeping my attention focused on my coaching profession. I write some great articles on my website and blogs, but these are all voluntary and unpaid. I am planning a book around helping people remember who they are; opening their eyes to the possibility that we are spiritual beings. My income is only gained through active coaching sessions with clients committed to their own personal growth; empowered change, overcoming fear. My passion is to see others inspired and owning their power and purpose in order to manifest the greatness that is possible in their lives. They too will make a difference once they do.

Thanks for the invitation to share my story.

Best wishes, Lee

Make a Difference

Inspired

You think you’re going nowhere
But as you sit and think
The earth continues to spin
While circling the sun
So get up off the couch
And venture out into the world
As you travel in your day to day
Meet those whose paths cross yours
Listen to the words spoken
Your thoughts and emotions
As they speak to your soul
With this knowledge
Your spirit will be your guide
Leading you to fulfill
A destiny intended for you
Your dreams and desires
Fueled by the need to exceed
What you believe to be

Cultural Diversity

Multiculturalism in Canada references the mosaic that makes up Canada. I think politicians needed a way to define people from other parts of the world without sounding offensive. Isn't that the way it is with so many things these days? So, politicians and people everywhere turn to the "politically correct" terms that "higher minds" dream up and educate to the masses. The problem I see with this "political correctness" is that we forget other important people in our world.

I considered selling advertising to the gay community recently and found myself feeling apprehensive - I hate being hit on. However, I learned that many gays arrive here to escape persecution due to their sexual preferences - and Vancouver is well-known for its acceptance of alternative lifestyles. In Mexico, if you're gay and other men are aware of this, it is likely that you will be ostracized and physically harmed. This I learned from a friend who came here to save himself and his family. Now he is free to pursue his lifestyle and sexual preference with a greater degree of freedom and security. This does not mean that everyone here in Canada is tolerant of the gay community; after all, we are a mixed bag of people living here.

I became aware of the fact that the gay community itself is a culture by its own right. I did pick up the dictionary to verify this fact. Here's what it says:
culture. n. 1. a. The totality of socially transmitted behavior patterns, arts, beliefs, institutions, and all other products of human work and thought. b. These patterns, traits, and products considered as the expression of a particular period, class, community, or population: Edwardian culture; Japanese culture; the culture of poverty. c. These patterns, traits, and products considered with respect to a particular category, such as a field, subject, or mode of expression: religious culture in the Middle Ages; musical culture; oral culture. d. The predominating attitudes and behavior that characterize the functioning of a group or organization.

So now we recognize that the gay community is a culture. This would also hold true for other sexual cultures; and what about musicians, skinheads, painters, writers, and so on? Oh, and what about street people? They're another culture defined by their behavior patterns, beliefs, traits, class, community, population, and so on. So, the word multiculturalism used here in Canada, while respecting and doing what it can to promote acceptance of our different country origins and traditions, does little else to promote acceptance of everyone.

As a Canadian-born individual, I am not so much interested in multiculturalism in the Canadian context. I'm interested in each individual and their experience. I love culture. When I found the definition in my dictionary for culture, close to that I found a definition I had not heard: Culture- Vulture. What's that? I wondered.

Culture Vulture. n. colloq. Person eager for cultural pursuits.

That almost sounds like me. I'm not so eager to be considered a vulture but I am definitely interested in other cultural experiences. My eagerness to experience other cultures doesn't mean I'm willing to throw away my heterosexuality, but rather that I am willing to talk with and participate with members of the gay community. With other cultural experiences, I've eaten chicken feet, stomachs of animals, 100-year-old eggs, and other things that would typically make many Canadian-born blokes like me queasy. I was grossed out initially, but usually I've been pleasantly surprised by the experience. These are the things that open us to embracing differences with a more open mind. I think food and beliefs are the real attraction to exploring other cultures. It challenges our world-view and palate (and keeps our tummies full).

So my point is that we should be a lot more aware of acceptance and openness towards everyone: Canadian-born, immigrants, gays and lesbians, pot-smokers, and many, many more. Multiculturalism, while a worthwhile focus for Canada to promote and respect our diversity, as individuals we can do so much more for the cause.

by Lee Down
Published in The Source newspaper Vol.7 No.6 Sept. 21 - Oct. 5, 2004

Comical or Confusing?

Is comedy funny? Is it the great equalizer? What's the funny thing about comedy? These are all good questions deserving of an answer. This year, Mr. Will Davis, the Executive Director of the Vancouver International Comedy Festival, booked acts with a wide range of cultural influences for the World Stage held at the Tom Lee City Stage. Davis recognizes the cultural diversity of the Vancouver market and booked acts with strong cultural influences. Some of these acts come from other parts of the world, and others are steeped in the duality of being a Canadian with a strong emphasis on their cultural heritage and the experiences they've lived through.

These comedians share the humour in their lives dealing with the cultural difficulties and misunderstandings they've experienced. Rather than being bitter about negative experiences, they have found the comedy of our errors. Incorporating these experiences into their act, they make us laugh at ourselves, educate us about cultural heritage, and give us permission to laugh with them. Doing so allows us to recognize our humanity; the sameness. Humour remains a significant and common element of all cultures.

Heidi Korens, a third generation Canadian of Lithuanian, English, Polish, and a number of other scruffy breeds, was cheerful and recognized the hilarity of our foibles. Everyone makes mistakes, has misunderstandings, buys in to stereotypes, and so on. We both laughed sharing the experience of unknowingly putting our foot in our mouth when relating to someone from another culture. As Korens said; "If you're able to laugh at yourself, it's a lot easier for you rather than getting angry and frustrated. That doesn't help anything. Comedy makes everything easier for everybody."

Tomoko, a Japanese woman who has been here only five months on a student visa, shared with us her love for Japanese comedy. Japanese culture laughs more at the ridiculously stupid things they do to each other. Here, in North America, we've also bought into some of their comedy television programs. She agreed that play-on-words can be very funny and spoke of the combination of language influences that the Japanese incorporate into their sense of humour for wordplay.

On the other hand, the difficulty she has with the North American or Western stand-up comedy is the lack of of her own in-depth language, the colloquialisms, and cultural knowledge. When we play on words, she isn't familiar enough with the English language and Western history to understand the humour. We both found this somewhat saddening, but also worth the journey to discovery. Personally, I could relate to her experience. I was invited to a comedy show years ago in Ottawa to see a black comedian visiting from Toronto. I quickly discovered that I was the only white guest in the audience. It didn't take long to discover just how out of place I was. Performing for a black audience, he had the room in tears - they all laughed so hard. All the while, I sat there wondering what was so funny. I couldn't get the humour because I had not shared their life experience. It occurred to me that there is a real affinity that comes through comedy when related to your own cultural background.

This makes me realize something: comedy is the great equalizer. We all love to laugh. We laugh hardest at ourselves. Comedy gives us permission to be human again, to not take ourselves too seriously. We can admit our faults, accept them and grow.

There will be some great acts on the International Stage at Tom Lee giving us all an opportunity to experience the other side. Two notable comedians with cultural influences are from the Vancouver comedy scene: Jeff Yu, a former teacher who comes across like an Asian Norm McDonald; and Paul Bae, also a former school teacher who is easy going and warm on stage - but watch out for the dark side and his racially charged topics. Above all, enjoy the learning and laughing experience.

For more information on the Comedy Festival whichtakes place on Granville Street during 19-25 October, go to www.comedyfest.com or call (604) 683 0883.

by Lee Down
Published in The Source newspaper Vol.7 No.7 Oct. 5 - Oct. 26, 2004

Noticing

Once upon a time I would notice the little things. Then adulthood, family life, financial burdens, work, and everything that is our rat-race took over.

"I should be __fill-in-the-blank__" became my prison.

My eyes no longer were present. Instead, my vision always looked beyond today.

My memory forgot true importance. Instead, I pained over the past and worried about the future.

I became so busy DOING, I forgot how to BE.

One day, waking up, I realized I did not know. I was lost; I truly did not know who the hell I was.

And then a question and a very long journey began; to remember.

Now I do; I remember who I am.

Now I notice again, everyday, the little things that matter.


After taking my own journey, I am powerfully present as a Professional Coach committed to calling forth the genuine spirit that lives in each and every one of us. I invite you to explore what coaching can do for you. Please visit me at One Man Can (make a difference).

What is Fear Hiding?

Fear is a disguise. This implies you are imprisoned from realizing your fullest potential as a loving creative being. "What scares you?" is the question that must be asked.

• Is it being your best self?
• That you are not deserving enough?
• Are you frightened by what you might lose?
• Or by what you gain?

There is mystery behind your fears that you think you would be curious enough to ask questions. In response, an awareness to your belief structures will allow a deconstruct and re-creation of self to a new truth of Being.

Any true achievement will be founded upon a clear sense of Being in this world: Being On Purpose.

If any of this resonates, check out my site One Man Can and email me with your Big Questions and/or Hairy Goals. What will set you free?

Raw Love

We are all different. We are all the same. Whereas you have uniqueness that manifests through the expression of your values via your behaviours, attitudes, intelligence, and creativity. At the root you seek love and yet, experience resistance to the fullest expression of love. I have been wrestling with the complexity of love for a long time. What I have discovered has astonished me.

You ache deeply in your heart for love in your life, hoping for fulfillment through another and yet, that love begins with self. The expression of that loving energy, central in your being must be released fully to embrace yourself, your gifts, your life, and your interactions in the world. That fullest expression and sensation is an expansion within that feels like the chest is being torn asunder. It is suppressed because it is difficult to contain and that is important to notice. It is not meant to be contained.

Love is to be expanded and allowed to flow out. In coming to terms with this, allowing the discomfort of such a raw emotional power pressing outward from the chest, it will become familiar and less uncomfortable. It's powerful and passionate force will fill up your life with meaning, purpose, and fulfillment. It is the contender. It is the purpose. It will bring the manifestation of all that you are and are here to be. It will draw the right circumstances, people, and relationships into your life that will enrich your experience.

That fullness of love is vulnerable and it causes you to fear. But the fear is a prison preventing the very thing that you desire; the deepest experience of love and the fullest life you seek to enjoy. Being vulnerable comes with the full emotional range of grief, pain, and disappointment that comes from loving others. People will continue to be human and err. Rather than shut-down, embrace the pain and love the hurting inner child of innocent love. Forgive, not just the trespasser but also that inner child. With forgiveness offer love and through the pain watch it subside into comfort. Continue to bring life through love and forgiveness and witness the power to transform lives; yours and those you impact.

Smile with Me

Energy is everywhere. We are filled with it and our consciousness causes it to vibrate at different levels. You aim anger, fear, hate, the energy permeates the environment and we see more anger, fear, and hate. You aim love, joy, and peace and we will see more love, joy, and peace.

Who is benefiting from our fear? Who benefits from our hate? The hate and fear is feeding a political and economical system of control and domination. Who is being dominated? I believe we can impact far more through invisible acts of kindness by creating love, joy, and peace in our daily lives than we can be demonstrating our displeasure with what we see around us.

Will you join me in this experiment? Can you wake up each day choosing to be joyful, to be loving of yourself and others, and to seek and create peace in your small community? What miracles we might create together. Believe that it might be possible and live it... be patient... watch... wait... and see!

Politically Incorrect Ass

Politically Correct? I think not! It's a minefield that cannot be navigated successfully in this day and age; there are too many opposing views, preferences, and lifestyles. You know the adage: Different strokes for different folks; Different horses for different courses.

When I look at my entire life and who I am, I am the sum of all my Life Experiences. This means I am a baby, a boy, a man, a professional, a lover, a giver, a gentleman, a pig , a spiritual person, a receiver, a cook, a coach, and so much more. When I'm with my friends, all pretense aside, I'm hanging with the boys. I hear the lady friends talking about "going out with the girls." No one is offended by such statements.

So I don't get too hung-up on on my choices of words. I focus instead on being real; being authentically who I am. So I might say things that will bother some people and their sensitivities, but I question it.

• Why are you so sensitive about "that" label?
• What's wrong with embracing all aspects of who you are?
• What is really bugging you about that term?

It's better not to finger-point. It's better to look past the language and see the person. Everywhere you go, you'll end up in hot water if you're always worried about the right way to say things and you will never please 100% of the people 100% of the time. So get over yourself and try to see where comments are coming from. Don't make a mountain out of a mole-hill. That doesn't work either.

Longing & Fear

The need is so strong, so powerfully excruciating in its discomfort, that the preference is to suppress the emotions for fear of being weak; to be known, to be loved, to be acknowledged as a Being. Longing for intimacy in relationship with someone else.

Living on the outside looking in on the world, wondering how to really connect when the imposed beliefs that I should be self-sufficient, self-reliant, unemotional and strong in the face of adversity, that instead I shut down and present the world with the mask of independent strength. What falseness, what tragedy besets us all when that happens. Who is really served in these very moments?

Pain from Life Experience is in the Soul, in the body manifested, to overwhelm with headaches, heartaches, ulcers, and over time to reach a proportion of overwhelming power to cause depression and unprecedented despair. All that is needed to avert such disaster is the acknowledgement of the spirit in each Being, giving permission to aspire to higher goals and ideals for self and humanity.

And yet, we're afraid to give that permisson to one another. Often recognized in failed marriages and abusive relationships is this fear; the fear of being left behind, of losing our sense of secruity, that we attempt to control one another.

An observation when saying goodbye to an unhealthy relationship from my past.
Voted Top Blog no Mindsay.com for March 9th, 2005.

Respectful Communication

When is it okay to no longer "be nice" to people who are not nice? In the business community where I live and work I participate in online discussion forums. I bring my thoughts and expertise to the table and say what I believe to be true. I welcome and enjoy healthy positive and productive conversations that explore possibilities. For the most part, a majority of people exchange their views in an intelligent and respectful manner.

Then there are those other few who jump in to negate, stifle, or stop the synergy that might ensue if it weren't for their critical commentary. They disguise their attack in the form of some intellectual argument that serves no purpose other than to demean the intent of the conversation. I have tried to be fair, honest, respectful, open-minded, and to engage their conversation in a positive way, only to have them continue to manipulate their agenda for no apparent positive outcome. It appears as though their only agenda is to push things into a corner so it will go no further.

I'm always hearing that I should not care, feel disturbed, or take it personally. Yet, the only obvious purpose that is discernable by me is their intention to personally attack my original intent for starting the conversation. It seems to me that there comes a time when enough is enough. It seems that a time must come that a response is required that calls them on their malicious intent.

Inevitably, this will be seen as retaliatory in nature but in truth, an end to the "game" is the desired outcome and reason for my final response. So now I'm considered the "powderkeg" (his words) but, they forgot that they're the person with the matches.

Emporer's New Clothes

I went out clothes shopping recently. I'm not a particularly comfortable shopper. I'm out of date with my fashion, have been wearing inexpensive clothing for a number of years, have compromised my own sense of self in the process, and just feel blah most of the time about the clothes I have to wear. This makes getting dressed in the morning kind of difficult. Today, that is all different.

Being color blind, out-of-date with fashion, being broke too often, makes shopping for new clothes a challenge. I've gone out shopping with women and been dressed up terribly and I've asked and asked around if anyone knows someone who is really good with fashion and knows what they're doing. This weekend, I learned of a woman who owns a store just a few blocks from where I live. She's astounding!! The caveat, don't go in to browse, she won't tolerate it. You walk in her store, hand yourself over to her like a newborn baby needing to be fed.

I walked in, told her I was referred by a friend and she asked who. When I told her who, she was ready to tackle the job. She saw how frumpy I looked with my average Joe wear and started talking a mile a minute about fashion, teaching me fashion, don't worry, and on and on and on. It was quite energizing. Not only that, but she even acknowledges how important it is to value oneself enough to take care of our appearance, to treat ourselves to good clothes, etc. Too often, as a guy, I would sacrifice my wardrobe to meet my so-called sense of obligations to others in my life - and guys - you know what I mean - how often do you say NO for yourself just to buy something for a gal, hoping to earn more brownie points. As I heard yesterday and recognize after 2 divorces where I gave, gave, gave, it is important to value and give to oneself. Essentially, we're talking about self-respect and it's amazing that difference has on the person in the clothes and the audience that see's you. Wow!

I hadn't even taken my jacket off and she's telling me all about the styles, my body type, the challenge that means I have, etc. I wasn't sure I would absorb any of this new information. But I was in good hands. She already knew my size just from a glance - amazing talent - she pulled a pair of jeans down - and which brand, style, cut, is very important for your body-type. She got shirts, taught me how to dress and undress even - so the clothes last longer and stay on the body the way they are meant to - who knew!? Cool shirt, how to tuck it a certain way that created a whole new look. My conservatism was challenged but she nailed it when she said, "It's like the U2 look." and I could own it completely. Before she said that, I was looking at it from the perspective of how I had been taught to dress - shirts tucked in properly all the way around and so on. HAHAHA

I walked out of the store with 2 jeans, 2 t-shirts, 2 shirts, a belt, and a new jacket. That evening, I headed out for a bite of dinner with my new clothes on and noticed how I felt different. Additionally, I noticed that I no longer felt invisible. I was being appraised occasionally. Where I had dinner, a beautiful young lady that I am friends with was working that evening, as I walked in the door, she started to look up casually and did a fast double-take - expression on her face was priceless. How important are clothes now?

Francophone Week Article

This article will be published in an upcoming issue of The Source newspaper.

The French are coming, the French are coming! Having lived and worked in Ottawa, Ontario for many years, previously married to a Montreal native, I have been intimately familiar with the Quebecer. Down to earth, fun-loving, in-your-face authenticity, these people, with prejudices and all the same baggage we lug around, some have treated me well and some have treated me poorly. With Francophone Week upon us, I set out to meet new French speaking people here in Vancouver. Stopping every pedestrian would be laborious so I visited Educacentre, a French language education centre to better enable the francophone population to contribute to the broader community. I met a variety of global souls, surprised to only encounter one Quebecer, excluding staff.

In the computer lab, we gathered around to discuss the French experience arriving, living, and integrating in Canada. In audience was a Vietnamese Parisian who grew up in Paris, a French speaking Moroccan, a Canadian born Parisian, a Parisian woman whose parents immigrated to France from Algeria, and a full-fledged Quebecer. My first thought was astonishment that the French language extends far beyond Quebec and France, something Canadian Anglophones tend to forget. It was a good reminder to not make assumptions about the origins of French speaking people.

The second thought was curiosity about the love-hate relationship between the European French and the Quebecois. The charming and unassuming nature of our resident Quebecer undermined my attempts at stirring the pot to draw out the underlying cultural influence that creates so much discomfort for the European French immigrant arriving and integrating into Quebec society. This allows for the truth that my next broad-brush stroke doesn’t speak to all Quebecer attitudes.

The European French see Canada as a French speaking country, rarely realizing the extent and diversity of this country beyond Quebec. The French dream is to come to Canada and realize the “Canadian dream” akin to the American dream. Nonetheless, the French foreigner arriving in Quebec is surprised by the poor reception and continued discrimination of Quebecers. This is prompting a number of the French Europeans to settle elsewhere in English Canada where they have a better experience of acceptance.

Yves, born in Rimouski, Quebec, grew up in France from the age of eight after his parents unsuccessful attempt at integrating into the French-Canadian culture from the late 60’s to the late 70’s. His parents experience resulted in his decision to come directly to Vancouver and skip the hardships of Quebec. Malika, the Algerian descendant born in France, lived in Quebec for a year. With her limited English, she struggled with the tale of discrimination. She felt that the tension stemmed from a perceived Quebecer inferiority complex and a perceived superiority complex of Parisians. She admits that Parisians have a certain “air” about them that can appear snobbish; similar to the perception many world-citizens have of the Americans. Even amongst the European French, there exists a dislike of the Parisian attitude.

Much conversation ensued as to the cause for conflict without any clear answers. Je me souviens is the phrase on Quebec license plates; it means, I remember. Some Quebecers have suggested it remembers the abandonment of French Canadians when France signed the treaty with the English hundreds of years ago. A Parisian’s research indicated it is in remembrance of soldiers whose lives were lost during WWII. Our resident Quebecer didn’t really know. He was pretty comfortable with expanding his world beyond his province’s borders and doesn’t concern himself with trivial bickering; his love is sports. The Vietnamese Parisian, Alex, also felt the same frustrations Malika spoke of, relating stories of cultural segregation of pocket-communities. No surprise really; that has existed and still exists everywhere, including Vancouver.

As I continue to delve into the mysteries that keep us apart due to our cultural history, I always discover the same thing: We’re all the same. At our core, we’re looking for adventure, achievement, excitement, love, and community. We want to belong and have a purpose. We enjoy meeting new people and experiencing new cultures. With that in mind, it’s time to get out and enjoy more of the Francophone Week and the cultural experience that has to offer.

Being and Doing

I was reminded this morning that we are 'doing' machines struggling with 'being'. Knowing my life can be better, knowing health is important, knowing what other people do, and many other things prompt feelings of 'should'. I feel I 'should' do some thing. I feel I 'should' be a certain way.

Even as a coach, I know this not to be true even when the quality of the 'doing' or 'being' is preferrable. It is not the thing or the way that is the problem. It is the attitude and the burden of that expectation. 'Should' is so heavy and so judgemental.

Knowing this, I still catch myself saying 'should' occasionally. Preferably and consistently however, I just intend to 'do' or 'be' in the way that I choose. I give myself permission to fail. 'Being' and 'Doing' come more naturally, even though the change is slow. The 'should' is replaced with 'will be' or 'will do' and if I don't succeed today, that's okay. The 'should' hasn't been given the power and weight to burden me with the guilt. Tomorrow, the intention of 'being' and 'doing' remain the same.

Let it go

Too often today I read messages, books, and lessons that suggest “do not express your emotions.” Rather, it is expected that I “rise above them” and stay centred. There is some truth to those suggestions but it also ignores some steps.

Over the past two years I have dealt with the emotional turbulence that goes with marital breakdown, starting a business, financial pressure, challenging old belief structures, and discovering my truth for spirituality. Many times I was told, “let it go” and I would ask, “how do you do that?” I rarely received a reply, let alone an adequate one. Most often, I got a dumb look in return. You know the one, kind of a vacant stare.

Let it go is an expression for process. Let it go does not mean ‘do not feel bothered.’ Let it go means to engage, feel, and express your feelings. The danger of not letting go will store those feelings in the body. You’ve heard the warning; don’t bottle up your feelings. Bottled up feelings, stored energy in the body will cause greater and greater turmoil and intensity with each emotional encounter. Give it voice instead and you have let it go.

A baby can be happy in one instant, content, then bubbly and silly, to the loudest screeching at the highest decibels, suddenly laughing delightedly, and finally asleep contentedly. The baby switches gears easily moving from one emotional state to another. The baby gives full expression to the moment. You and I have been taught to not fully embrace or express our emotions. The instructions have been incomplete, contradictory, and self-serving.

• Anger is wrong, sadness is okay.
• Bottling it up is bad so let it go.
• You want a reason to cry? I’ll give you a reason to cry.
• Children are to be seen and not heard.
• You should be grateful for the pain.

Sometimes, these comments and the contradictions make you just want to run and hide from this insane world. You and I grow older, suppressing and controlling our feelings, biting our tongue, and learning to not burden others with emotions. One day, you suffer burnout, a breakdown, anxiety attacks, or a depression. One man I knew was driving home and went completely blank. He forgot who he was, where he lived, how to drive. This pattern of controlled destruction has to stop.

The next challenge is learning to let go as an adult. This requires an ability to communicate effectively and to be in touch with emotions. Too often things build up until a huge tirade and explosion takes out those closest to you and half the neighborhood block. It becomes an attack instead of an expression of meaning. The attack adds more guilt and sorrow. Seeking forgiveness the sorrow and despair heighten as you are ignored for your outburst. Screaming babies are cooed, hugged, and comforted.

Emotions are important to the human experience. If they weren’t we wouldn’t have them. Don’t deny them. Don’t suppress them. Let them take voice as an expression of who you are, who you are here to be, and what you value. Don’t use them as a weapon to demean, belittle, or be vicious with another person. Emotions are all about you so own it and give them voice. I see a need for this to be learned and integrated back into our social fabric for a healthier society. Be the creative being that you and I were born to be.

Yesterday, I felt my emotions and I gave them voice. In doing so, I also gave voice to the values that I stand for and who I am here to be. I will live my life out loud, I will voice my passions, I will live my vision/dream, and I will be who I AM.