Love Like it's Yesterday Again

It was a glorious day in central Alberta with the sun shining the fullness of its' brilliance. Every detail in the landscape radiated its' luminescence according to the experience of this eight year-old boy. Filled with joy, basking in the glory, I stood transfixed as my eyes scanned the full 270° view, stopping to pause from time-to-time when the brilliance overwhelmed the spirit's ability to see fully. It was then, on that particular day that I met another young boy. I don't remember his name, the encounter having lasted less than 10 minutes; a period of time more profound than so many others!

He is a lonely boy, one who was ostracized, criticized, teased, and bullied. I could understand, I could relate, and yet he was so different. It would only be realized in later years that this boy was a Down Syndrome child, while the eight year-old boy only recognized the word retarded, a term no longer considerate, respectful, nor politically correct.

The retard started talking to me and I couldn't completely understand. I want to run, to get away, to escape this retarded kid; I didn't want any of the other neighborhood kids to see me with him. He was right in my face now.

"What's your name?"

"Lee."

I felt all squirmy and couldn't think of anything to say. I am fascinated by his face, his eyes, and the gentle way that he smiles. There is something different about him than most other people I meet. He is real, genuine, and honest in a way that is making me feel warm inside. I recognize him, I recognize me, I recognize love. This is what I came here to experience and to give. This is what I wish for everyone all the time. And yet, the back of my mind begins imagining the bullying that will follow from the neighborhood kids if they see me. I'm a beaten child, at home and away. Why aren't we all like this? What are all the games for?

"Will you be my friend?" he asks.

I don't want to say yes, as my imaginings stir up the fear. My heart, young and still honest and strong, splits open to make room. I say yes, following my heart, and he leaps into me, wrapping me up in his arms. With a sudden lump in my throat I quickly peek left and right to see if anyone is watching and hug him back. Nervous and brave all at the same time, I feel the fear and the rightness of action. It's puzzling me, there is so much I don't understand about everything. My own parents beat me.

Backing up, his hands on my shoulders, he smiles into my eyes with the authenticity of his very being. He is beautiful and I feel cowardly. I feel scolded. I feel small. I don't know what is happening to me. I've just encountered paradox. My emotions tell me one thing, then my head fears worse, and suddenly I remember:

• parents beat their children
• parents lie
• parents say mean, hurtful things
• teachers play favorites
• adults play tricks on innocent kids
• some adults do unspeakable things
• adults fight and rarely make up
• adults don't like to apologize
• adults are afraid to love
• children band together in groups
• children can be mean
• a friend can quickly become an enemy - for no good reason
• so many of us are selfish
• there are so many conditions for love

At eight years old I've experienced all of this and this encounter of contradiction and Truth has me all confused.

That was then, this is now. Recalling that memory often throughout life, as I experience the gain and loss of love, success, finances, health, friendship, etc., this encounter spoke to a higher truth and possibility, for those who would see. I claim no greater, nor no less success with this struggle than the next man. I am also easily led and influenced by the energies that are around me every day. To what degree varies as does my overall well-being, as with any of us.

Recognition and awareness creates opportunities to not become trapped by false beliefs, while the turmoil of emotions and mind creates hurdles and pitfalls that allow the fullest experience of being human. Embracing and working with both aspects of self, and so much more in an intangible sense, is what spirituality entails for me. This openness to experience with awareness leads to an evolving sense of what the truth is for my experience of life. Each day leads to opportunities for growth and adjustment. Remembering, I know what it is: It is Love, as I am Love, and I am with Love.

This leaves me with two requests:

1. Please stop being afraid of my love?
2. Please empower me to love fully.
   

Choosing Life is Creating Life

I've been much busier lately. I've been getting out more, experiencing more, working more, and enjoying the ride. As a coach, I'm challenged to create my life daily rather than just go about life's repetitions every day. Going about life's repetitions for over a decade led to me waking up one day wondering, "How did I get here?" I hear similar views and feelings from many people. I read about it in the papers, see shows that reflect a similar reality, and meet folks at the coffee shop lamenting the same meaninglessness. Meaning in life is important. Rather than talk about meaning and purpose today, as I've usually done in the past, I'm instead going to talk about creating my life daily.

As I said, I'm a coach and one would expect a coach to have their shit together or to at least know their shit. A pun or two inadvertently enjoyed there. Now some of you are chuckling and yet, I wonder how many of you are also surprised to learn that a coach has problems? Well, again this would be a matter of perspective.

My business history involved problem-solving and creating and managing change, and these were two of the most common themes and talents I exercised naturally for more than a decade. I was good at what I did and I was good with people. I never saw what was impossible and only focused on what is possible. I rarely took 'no' for an answer and frequently inspired other's perspectives to find the solutions. This is where a problem perspective has the opportunity to transform into seeing what is possible. This is a crucial moment of recognizing the power you have with choice. Choice has less to do with outer outcome or circumstances and more to do with inner being.

Being at choice is important to creating my day. Each day I wake up knowing what I don't want via past experiences. This allows me to reframe the 'don't want' into a powerful positive 'want'. Stating verbally what I want energizes and strengthens the ownership I have for creating the life I desire. It's useful to be specific as possible and yet, without data we have little information to be specific with; worse still, with bad data - bad experiences - we have incorrect or incomplete data to state what is wanted. Nonetheless, this exercise opens up power, choice, and possibility for what is to come on this day.

Embarking upon the journey today, I welcome each and every experience and social interaction. Where situations offer it, I am able to articulate and reframe where necessary what I do or don't want in a given area of my life. Without specifics for what I do want, I may substitute the tangibles with intangibles; qualities that will satisfy my inner spirit. This exercise, being new in action or objective, may require some blind groping initially that are full of intangibles; until enough experience has yielded the information that allows you to clarify the tangibles. This is the art of creating your life.

It is knowing that you are at choice at every moment of every day. Even a non-choice is a choice. Every mistake or bad experience is useful information that offers insight into right action for future choices. Again, knowing that you are at choice allows for mistakes without self-blame. Instead, mistakes are met with gratitude and embraced to enact change that will bring about more positive experiences. Where the future cannot be envisioned, I can project my want with intangibles such as joy, fulfillment, love, or whatever other descriptor that will shift my energy to focus on the power of wants rather than the negativity of 'don't wants'. Then I enjoy the journey and the process and embrace the natural unfolding of me and my life. Do we ever stop learning about ourselves?

Try using any combination of the following to help you create your day:

What do I want?
What don’t I want?
Repeated intentionally: What do I want?
What is my passion?
What is my purpose?
What brings me joy?
What causes me to forget the time?
What do I want more of?
What do I want less of?

State as often as possible what I want.
Notice what I’m doing and how or who I am being.
Notice qualities, traits, characteristics, etc. about self and others.

Observe my beliefs and emotions:
Are they serving me?
Am I serving them?
What is it costing me?
What am I saying Yes to?
What am I saying No to?

Be courageous.
Be gentle.
Be patient.
Be love.

Follow-up to 'Haven't You Learned Anything!?'

Lack of comments speak to two different things. First, it could be the kind of thing that really causes people deep reflection on what has been said. It may even have some incredibly challenging perspectives that are difficult to swallow. Second, there could be a great deal of disagreement or even fear - although I certainly hope it is not the latter.

It was said to me that the comment by another user about the wounded warrior entry wasn't judgmental. If it is seen that I have singled that person out, then the point of the article is missed. Human-beings are judgmental by design - it's what we do. It even goes by different names. Discernment is having good judgment. To perceive is to sense and make sense of information, again an exercise of judgment is occuring. In writing my article and stating my observations, I too am exercising judgment. This isn't about pointing a finger at someone and saying, "na na nana na!" It's about seeing more!

Initially, in my response article Haven't You Learned Anything? I begin by saying the comment didn't sit well with me. That can mean many number of things. I go on to explain. I speak of how a simple statement is a broad brush-stroke and I agreed it does take some longer to learn. I also wanted to offer much more - a deeper and wider perspective. This is what the blog-entry is about.

I know some people who've been on the street and I know some people who are still on the street. I know what has happened in my own life and I know how close I came to being on the street. Society, the coddled members, are much more comfortable distancing themselves from responsibility for creating the messes we have in society. Instead, it is easier to point fingers and blame the individual who landed where they are. Some of the street people are there by choice, in order to be free from the shit we live in society. Others are there because they can't fight anymore. We could look at every segment of our populace and find out how easy it is and how much more comfortable it is to keep your head buried in the sand.

You see, people are quick to make assumptions about WHY things are the way they are. Laying blame on the person who is scratching the pavement looking for a rock is the easy way out. There is nothing in society that doesn't exist that isn't the cause of mankind --- not one man: It's our society, it's our rules of engagment, it's our rules of competition, politics, and free enterprise. There are many who don't care about the damage they create to get where they want to go. This was the motivation for writing Haven't You Learned Anything? and this follow-up.
Even last night, the movie Thank-you For Smoking inspired more thoughts on our FREEDOM of choice and instead of accepting the responsibility, so many of us in society point a finger and lay the blame. Interesting isn't it? Drugs, Cigarettes, Booze, Guns, Sex, Rock and Roll, Dieting, the foods we eat, the food that's packaged, the pesticides used, the trees burned and clear-cut, the environment wasted.... it's all their fault. None of it is mine. None of it is yours. I had no say in the matter. I didn't know any better. They tricked me with their media advertising. My parents smoked too. I didn't stand a chance. Neither did you.

In other words, I don't have a problem with what the comment said that responded to the wounded warrior. I had a problem with what it didn't say and that quite often, society will opt for the easy answer - the one that abdicates responsibility. Articles like this are a call for more social responsibility. Is that not clear in what I've written? We are at choice, we all have an impact, with words, thoughts, and actions.

Haven't You Learned Anything!?

On another blog, I received a response to my entry about the wounded warrior that didn't sit very well with me. Here is my wounded warrior entry:

The wounded warrior doesn't lose his edge, he gains another. The new edge is the edge of reconciliation, of empathy, of understanding, and of valuing life. Do not let anyone minimalize the wounds you have earned, that you have gained understanding from, and from which you have grown to love more humankind. Neither let yourself suffer from arrogance, or any form of grandiose thinking of any kind; remain the humble servant who understands more than they let on.

The response caused a moment of pause as I reflected yet again upon the judgment they placed with their opinion. Through such a comment and how it may or may not apply; our broad brush-strokes are so quick to color every encounter, every person, and every lesson to be the same. What was said is not far different from what many people believe. What was said also can be completely true for many people. However, it is not applicable to all who suffer. Here is the commonly held belief posted in their response:

Ideally, those are the lessons one would learn. But everyone has their own journey and some make it harder than it should be. They must learn their lessons the hard way and it takes much longer. It depends on what level of understanding one has reached.

Everyone does have their own journey and some individuals do make it harder than it has to be. Some wish to make it easier and do not seem able to lessen the severity. Some people are fast learners, others are slow learners. Some learn best by reading, others learn best by doing, and yet more need to hear the words that will help them learn. The poor individual who is going through hell and back who would read that they're a complete loser for "not getting it" sooner. And yet, my immediate heartfelt thoughts upon reading the reply highlights an even more profound statement for the wounded warrior. What about the greats in our history who have suffered greatly?

My first hero, Gandhi, was the first to come to mind when I read that some make it harder, and that a lesson must be learned. I've had a similar discussion around the homeless issues as well. All things serve a greater purpose and it is so easy for us to judge from the perspective that others "just aren't getting it" and we can wash our hands of all responsibility to see change occur in our society. Gandhi put himself into harms way repeatedly. Gandhi, through all the situations that deepened his wounds saw his heart for God, his heart for his people, and his heart for the world grow. Gandhi did not shrink from the cup chosen for him, neither did many other great leaders no longer with us today. You know who some of them are. So who needs to learn the lesson?

A wounded warrior did not come to fight with violence, fists, and bloodshed - unless it is his own and even then it is not a prefered avenue. The wounded warrior values life and typically in higher regard than the common everyday man. Gandhi, my friend, my example: What lesson did you make harder to learn? To walk away from conflict? To walk away from injustice? That one man cannot change the world? No, no, I didn't think so. I see it myself and it is what I want all to see.

If I choose to make my life harder, if I choose to be the change I want to see, if drastic action is called for to have society witness its' failings, then so be it. How can I possibly communicate clearly to others that which I cannot understand? I have understood much about the human condition, society, our frailties, hopes, fears, and dreams; our relationship to each other, how it has shifted over time and continues to shift; how the media clouds our vision, politicians and religious leaders influence our beliefs, interpreting the signs of the times and literally telling us the cause and effect relationship that requires change. We've become such amazingly obedient sheep for our shepherds.

We follow along, we point fingers, we lay blame, we act the victim, and almost literally only take care of our own personal agenda and insular sphere of influence. The rest of the world, the rest of the country, the rest of the government, the rest of the community, the rest of the street... and so on... can go to hell, I've got enough to deal with on my own! Sound familiar? I've heard these standard statements often throughout my life. Even so, the influences that sing in my heart are laid by the examples of such as Jesus, Gandhi, JFK, Martin Luther King, just to name a small few. Check carefully before concluding that someone isn't learning a lesson. Maybe they're trying to show the rest of the world something that society has created, or that people are ignoring, etc.

This brings me back to one of my favorite issues related to society washing their hands - the homeless. I have even heard it said by spiritual and/or religious people that the homeless chose their lot, made their bed, and therefore must suffer the consequences. In the same way, some would say they're on the street learning a lesson. What I know is that there are many on the street who have chosen to leave the monstrosity of the rat-race - that truth and love is virtually non-existent in the corporate setting, or the business machinations of what is our society today. I know that some of these people are there, and the problem is growing, because the rest of society has failed to act! The issue isn't about providing shelters, food, and treatment programs. The issue is about a systemic problem with the way we get along, the way we work together, the way we compete, and the way we judge, hate, segregate, and so on. It's strictly about the heart.

Yesterday, a very new and dear friend of mine got on his own high horse ranting about the problem with the street people in a very bad area of our city. "Give them what they want and what they need," he lamented! Very curious I continued to press him for more explanation. I don't remember all that he said but let me sum it up as best I can.

Giving these people a city-block facility with housing, treatment, counselling, injection sites, dispensed substances, etc., would free up a great deal of resources chasing them all over town trying to police, intervene, and treat the problem. You give them a place to go, provide them with clean and safe substances and the opportunity to make a different choice. Those that make the different choice have access to treatment, counselling, and shelter. If they fall, they fall, and they're given the opportunity to try again. At least then there is a chance, there is no judgment, and we would no longer be de-humanizing ourselves in the process!

That is not a perspective I could have vocalized in such a powerful way before. I concur completely with our responsibility and failings as a society to resolve what seem to be such fundamentally simple issues - at the heart level. Why so many walk past the problems and are so completely unaffected has bothered and puzzled me for years. Until he finished his statement recognizing the de-humanization of the general public, any reasoning I heard or tried left a sour taste. Of course! We have systematically seen the dehumanization of our culture consistently through news, media, television, movies, video games, and our own streets. Is it all bad? Likely not, it is a contributor though, along with our ability to make a judgment that places full responsibility somewhere else.

With so much said I'll wrap it up with a few statements of encouragement. Accept the journey others are on, be curious, ask questions, and park your judgment. As Martin Luther said, I have a dream. As JFK said, ask what you can do for your country. As Gandhi said, be the change you want to be. As Jesus said, love covers a multitude of sins. Be love, love is. If this was the guiding principle behind government, business, and our community, how many different outcomes would have seen a world shaping into something far more beautiful than we thought possible?