He Said, She Said

The Relationship Triangle

Most people get involved in a relationship for the right reasons and leave a relationship for the wrong reasons. In fact, most of us have been guilty of it at one time or another and of being a complete spaz demanding we get our way in the relationship. Remember the movie He Said, She Said? A constant power struggle ensues when you make the relationship all about you. So why do we do it?

I believe the reason this happens is that we make unhealthy relationship choices. In our deepest inner desires, we naturally long for companionship and love in our lives. In our haste, we choose unwisely and compromise for that "next person" that comes along to satisfy that longing. In this context, it's easy to bend and flex because in the beginning we still don't know that person. Then as we do get to know them, we find ourselves making more compromises because we don't have the guts to fess up to our mistakes and all sorts of other irrational reasons rambling through our head to avoid hurting someone else. Bad move, fess up.

In our relationship goals, we need to be much more aware of ourselves, our habits, our desires, our likes and dislikes. The focus should not be on the person, the focus should be on the relationship. Even in the dating context - it could lead to something serious - we should focus on the relationship goals. What is it you want in a relationship? Who are you in a relationship? What do you need from the relationship? And, and, and... take stock and stay open to change, improvements, discovery and more.

When you can answer these questions more clearly and you find yourself able to understand what you can give to the relationship, you choose your partners more wisely. You also communicate more openly and honestly because it is less about you and more about the relationship. The other person can listen better because it is more about the relationship and less about them. And adjustments can be made so much more smoothly from both sides when we communicate on the relationship.

So look at it like a triangle. You on one side, your partner on the other. Instead of eyeballing and measuring each other, look to the peak - the Relationship. That's your goal, that's your partners goal, and you look only at yourself in comparison to the relationship goals. You're teammates, you see the goal, and now you can work more effectively together.

It's not about me, it's about the relationship. Can I give that to achieve this in the relationship? Do I want that? Yes, then let's do it.

Your Mediocre Mind

Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds. ~ A. Einstein

I've always had a love affair with that particular quote. Today, while doing some organizing I came across my favorite quote again. As I looked at it, a higher level of awareness sang out a deeper meaning than I'd ever recognized in the past.

Realizing we are spiritual beings, we each have a Great Spirit within us crying out for a well-lived life without fear, without compromise, without limitation. You recognize that deep inner desire, don't you? It's greatness is specific to you, your desires, mine is specific to me, my desires. Initially, our spirit is always battling opposition from the opinions of others, media, peer pressure, and family obligations. Then I realized that there is more.

Just like that, a flash of insight revealed something I had never seen before. My Great Spirit has encountered violent opposition from my own mediocre mind! I was stunned with the insight. Our mind is a tool for the body and for the spirit. Identifying ourselves with the mind we entrap ourselves and the spirit becomes enmeshed in a battle for freedom! Wow! What a revelation I realized as I became aware of the mediocrity of my choices based upon my mistakes, my lame-brained thoughts of defeatism, poor self-esteem, bad-hair days, and so on.

All of a sudden, I see that I won't rely solely on the thoughts and opinions of others. I won't rely on the intellectual capacity of my mind, the same mind and intellect that can offer up rational excuses to not achieve just as easily as it can offer up excellent reasons to go for the gold. This is also the same mind that can perpetuate the emotional state of despair so the emotions will further feed the negativity of the mind. It is such a trap. The mind, in all of its intellectual prowress is mediocre on its own.

Here on in, I will engage in spiritual awareness, having command over the mind and the emotions. The spiritual awareness will harness these tools, the mind and emotions, and the Great Spirit within will inspire action and achievement like never before!

What about you?

How's your eyesight?

Remember that each person and event may possess a precious gem hidden inside. Make a conscious effort to find it. Challenge yourself and discover what is good about every relationship. Practice looking at the world through the eyes of the Divine. Allow your imagination to perceive the spiritual or evolutionary potential in every person and experience.

Look with the eye of a loving parent or companion upon the people and things you come into contact with. Make a conscious decision to approve of and delight in even the quirky developments that make the world turn. No one can be perfect at such unconditional acceptance. Still the practice will sweeten your day to day life. Your magnetism will increase and more loving people may enter your life. The whole world will benefit as this becomes second nature to you.

Procrastinator's Expertise

The Habitual Procrastinator is Always an Expert Creator of Alibis.

If you are so inclined, you can always find dozens of reasons why something can’t or shouldn’t be done-and precious few why it should or could. It is far easier to rationalize that it’s too difficult, too expensive, or too time-consuming than to accept the idea that if we are willing to work hard enough, smart enough, and long enough we can accomplish anything. Instead of making a commitment, we make up an alibi. If you find that you frequently invent excuses for why you didn’t do something or have a million reasons why something didn’t work out as planned, it’s time for a reality check. Stop explaining and start doing!

I get these emails daily with awesome messages. Some work, some don't. This one was significant. Naturally, procrastination prevents a lot from occurring and our forward momentum slides down the slippery slope of dissatisfaction. What this does say is that we can accomplish anything if we "strive" hard enough. I hesitate to agree wholeheartedly.

We certainly have the power to achieve a great many things without much limitation if we apply ourselves. However, you may not be satisfied, you may not be adequate, you may suck entirely. The reality is, we each have unique gifts to explore and discover, so go out and discover. This is where what is said above is relevant and true: Taking action will yield results. What you won't know is the result.

In taking action we begin a cosmic interaction with the creative source in the universe that begins to return energy back to us. Whether the outcome is positive or negative isn't the issue, it's what we learn and grow and discover about ourselves that further informs us intelligently. This is not just intellectual, it is the bodily intuition and emotions, the spiritual assessment of our "sense of calling" and learning what resonates and what does not. Continuing on in this fashion we improve our choices and increase the positive outcomes in our lives.

So what are you waiting for?

For All Women

One man can make a difference. I've been saying this and writing around this subject matter for over a decade now. It is not to the exclusion of women as I originally used the phrase in reference to mankind or society if you prefer. A decade ago, my pursuit of the quest to make a difference, to be involved, to inspire ended up taking a back seat. Survival in the moment and dealing with family and health issues took the front seat. Now, most of that is behind me and to a large degree it has been women who have made the difference in my growth and healing; unique powerful, loving, nurturing women.

This post serves as a reminder, an acknowledgement, a song of praise, if you will, for women. It's important you realize just how powerful and wonderful you are as a woman, as a female, as someone who has a unique blueprint different from the male of our species. Your gift is priceless when used well with integrity and you conduct yourself from this seat of female power. It's not the media's and popular culture's representation of female wiles, cunning, and manipulation. No, it's the power of the nurturer and spiritual values.

I speak partly from my own experience that has a depth and richness that is so hard to explain. It also includes influence from historical perspectives and the recognition that almost every great man in history has attributed a large part of their success to the great woman in their life. I attribute it to the call in my heart and the need in my soul for that connection and healing balm that only the company of a woman can provide. How can words possibly express such complexity and yet such simplicity so that it is understood and owned by all women.

It is my desire to empower each of you to be the greatest woman you can be. If I had any advice for your day-to-day living, I'd say look to women who are mature in experience and who have a healthy perspective on love, life, and relationships. Women who are successful in their relationships and careers without compromising the highest values that ring so true in our hearts.

I can also say that I have much to offer in one-on-one coaching as a result of my own life experience with women and my perspective on the unique power of women. I do this with female clients in my coaching business already and it is a huge honor for me. It pains my heart to see women limiting themselves due to poor self image and beliefs developed from family, peers, society, media and boys or men who have caused pain.

Don't hold back, be all that you are made to be.

Yes, one man can make a difference, but the truth is, Women make all the difference!

Peace, love, harmony - it is power.

Be divinely beautiful; it radiates from within.

Challenging Times

You've been moving through life for years now in much the same way. The problem is, now the things that did work are no longer working. What are you going to do? You are looking for change, you know you're uncomfortable, you even have an idea of what it is you're wanting to change and how. So why does it become so hard to change?

Maybe you're afraid of the change, the new reality that is in store for you. Or maybe you realize that giving up some of those old limiting beliefs are going to cause some good-byes in your life that you hate to see end. Maybe you are just plain tired or saddened about letting go of some of your past. I know it can happen to me and has happened to me.

So what do I do when this happens now? These days, when I feel something happen that has me locked in my seat not wanting to move forward with the change, I call someone. I call my coach. You see, coaches need coaches. I know myself better and better all the time. I have become more aware and continue to become more aware of my emotions and what is important to me. When something blocks me from making that move forward when I know what I want to do, I get on the phone and explore what is happening with some of the coaching methods with which we're familiar.

I can't speak highly enough of the experience. A conversation can mean so much to sorting through the mental, emotional, and physical debris that is floating around in our lives. What a difference. Maybe you'd benefit from it yourself. I offer a complimentary session for those who want to give it a try. Email me and we can organize a time for a complimentary session phone-call.

I took an interesting online quiz testing how knowledgable I am about Canada. There are a couple of things that surprised me.

• Quebec is more likely than BC to support decriminalization of marijuana - who would have guessed?
• Canadians feel like their jobs cause them more stress than anything else in their lives.

It's because of the second bullet that I'm writing this. I'm not surprised. I've been observing our work culture over the past 10 years with shock and dismay. It's about how we manage ourselves, our relationships, and expectations. Why are we so programmed into believing that "our work" has to be the way it is?

I recommend change. I propose change. I lead change. I champion change. What about you?

Get your life back, call a coach and start having conversations that will lead you to a new and fulfilling life. It really bothers me to see people feeling and living this way.

Emotional well-being and mental well-being are on the decline. Mental Health Canada has released stats from studies indicating the costs to business and insurance are enormous. More and more people are suffering from mental disorders. Is it any wonder?

This isn't just about a person changing their life. This is also about a business can change its culture and how they manage relationships with their staff.

To that end, I am committed to making a difference. I'm available for workshops and talks as well.

Let's make work a better place to be!

Call me and let's make a plan to improve your company culture. Pooling resources in the community can make this easily affordable.

Sincerely, Lee Lee Down

One Man Can (make a difference)

Working Stiffs

Sleepy people on the bus
Eyes foggy with lazy lids
Sullen eyes on serious faces
As they are awakened
By the mundane tasks
Of another day at the office



I wrote that poem about 10 years ago. Has anything changed. Not according to articles in the media and health statistics in our countries. It prompted me to write a related article recently titled The Working Malaise.

Planning a Website

You've wanted to have your own business website for some time now. You don't want one of those cheesy sites that looks like a school-grader created it. In fact, school-graders can do a better job than even that these days. How can you keep up?

To hire a web-designer to create a site can be quite costly. Then there is the hosting, the email, the updates to the content, ecommerce, oh my God - there is so much to think about. Well, a solution is here and I'd like to invite you to take a look.

I'm so impressed, I became a reseller of an online web-hosting company that offers an easy interface so that I can create, modify, update, add to, in an almost unlimited way to the content of my very own website. They include ecommerce, web-hosting, all of it - for a dollar-a-day.

If you want to learn more, email me via my site (link will open in a new window) and I can explain further. Or, go ahead and start the transaction to set yourself up now. Create and update your own Website for a Dollar-a-Day! Link opens in a new window.

Website Updates

Recent updates have been completed for the One Man Can website. The link will open a new browser window so blogexplosion surfers won't lose any credits.

Check it out and if you see any corrections or issues, please let me know.

Thanks.

What's This Coach All About? Read on...

"The hunger for love is much more difficult to remove than the hunger for bread."

-Mother Teresa

"Love cures people—both the ones who give it and the ones who receive it."

-Dr. Karl A. Menninger

"Trouble is part of your life—if you don't share it, you don't give the person who loves you a chance to love you enough."

-Dinah Shore

"Photography records the gamut of feelings written on the human face, the beauty of the earth and skies that man has inherited and the wealth and confusion man has created."

-Edward Steichen

"A human being is a part of the whole called by us "universe," a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feeling as something separated from the rest, a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest to us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circle of compassion to enhance all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty."

-Albert Einstein
(one my of all-time favorite heroes)

"We do not wish to be better than we are, but more fully what we are."

-V.S. Pritchett

"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover."

-Mark Twain
(another one of my all-time favorite heroes)

"The fact that man knows right from wrong proves his intellectual superiority to other creatures; but the fact that he can do wrong proves his moral inferiority to any creature that cannot."

-Mark Twain

"If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man."

-Mark Twain

"I decline to accept the end of man. It is easy enough to say that man is immortal because he will endure: that when the last ding-dong of doom has clanged and faded from the last worthless rock hanging tideless in the last red and dying evening, that even then there will still be one more sound: that of his puny inexhaustible voice, still talking. I refuse to accept this. I believe that man will not merely endure: he will prevail. He is immortal, not because he alone among creatures has an inexhaustible voice, but because he has a soul, a spirit capable of compassion and sacrifice and endurance. The poet's, the writer's, duty is to write about these things. It is his privilege to help man endure by lifting his heart, by reminding him of the courage and honor and hope and pride and compassion and pity and sacrifice which have been the glory of his past. The poet's voice need not merely be the record of man, it can be one of the props, the pillars to help him endure and prevail."

-William Falkner
- Nobel Prize Banquet speech after recieving the Nobel Prize for Literature (10 December 1950)

"These then are my last words to you: be not afraid of life. Believe that life is worth living, and your belief will help create the fact."

-William James

"I believe that the rendering of useful service is the common duty of mankind, and that only in the purifying fire of sacrifice is the dross of selfishness consumed and the greatness of the human soul set free."

-John D. Rockefeller, Jr.

"To accomplish great things, you must not only act but also dream, not only dream but also believe."

-Anatole France

"In the province of the mind, what one believes to be true either is true or becomes true."

-John Lilly

In summary,

• the acknowledgement that we are spiritual beings,
  
• the power of love, the effort to master love and pain to be endured in loving,
  
• our journey through life to truly discover who we came here to be,
  
• the nature and truth about the value and importance of human-kind's inter-dependence,
  
• our unique power as creative-beings to have more creative power and ability for our future than we truly realize....

Now you may have noticed a couple of quotes, mainly from Mark Twain, demonstrating a darker side to man. That is important in the list as well; without the awareness and acknowledgement of our darker side, we are never truly free from it's prison. It is in embracing your darkness that you can erase the shadows by exposing them to the light. Love yourself, accept yourself, forgive yourself, and subsequently empower yourself.

- Lee Down

Additional articles of related reading are availabe at One Man Can

Noteworthy:

Are We Awakening?

What to do? Life's Big Question

Raw Love

Smile With Me